Q: How do we discuss consent in relationships with our teen?
A: Have you seen the “Consent: It’s as Simple as Tea” video? If you haven’t you must check it out. It is a brilliant way to explain to teens what consenting to a sexual relationship means. I was reminded of the video when I recently spoke to a group of students about having positive relationships in their life. Encourage your teen to be open about their feelings with potential partners, stick to their values, and build intimacy gradually. Also, to ask partners questions like “Are you comfortable with this?” or “How do you feel about this?” Very importantly, your teen should know that even though they felt a certain way at the start of a sexual interaction, it is perfectly within their right to change their mind.
Research confirms that when teens have healthy relationships, their first ever sexual experience tends to be more positive. Warning signs of an unhealthy relationship include being scared, pressured, or controlled. Sexual assault is defined as “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.” According to US data, the majority of sexual assault victims were assaulted by the age of 25. In discussing this topic, it is important for you to talk to your teen about healthy relationships, boundaries, and consent. Remind your child that he or she has the power to stop at any time and say no. Sex without consent is assault. It is never appropriate to approach someone for sex when they are in a vulnerable position or otherwise unable to a conscious decision. Here are a few more tips for discussing consent:
● Remind your teen that if their partner or a friend is incapacitated by alcohol or drugs, they cannot give consent.
● Not only does your teen have the power to say no, but he or she also has the responsibility to intervene as a bystander if they see someone else that is a situation that makes them vulnerable or is even facing assault.
● Most sexual assaults occur among acquaintances, not strangers.
● It is important for teens to trust their instincts and to avoid relationships with those who drink heavily, use drugs, act aggressively, or treat them disrespectfully.